Acceptance Becomes the Truth of Discovery.

The fear of being wrong kept me from learning from my mistakes for far too long. When I accepted that I could be wrong and still be happy or comfortable with who I am, it was as if a HUGE burden was lifted from my shoulders. I came across the line acceptance becomes the truth of discovery while reading a hub by a truly talented writer and knew that it described my journey on the road to the truth, perfectly.

Lifting this burden of guilt and apprehension allowed me the freedom to begin relearning everything I had been taught. No longer did this fear hold me back from asking the questions that had plagued me for so long.

I cannot define a specific date for this, but it began shortly after I moved to Nashville, Tennessee with the specific purpose of getting sober.

I had spent the first 27 years of my adult life abusing drugs and alcohol. My bottom was becoming homeless and losing all hope in my fellow human and myself.

No matter have far you run, you cannot escape yourself!

I was living in Denver, Colorado it was the summer of 2004 and was days away from the Bank putting a lock on the door of my house and kicking me to the curb, like yesterdays garbage! I had come up with two plans of action;

• Hitchhiking to Montana and going Into the Wild and never coming back ( I wanted to see Montana before I died! )

• Using the last of my money and resources to buy a plane ticket to Nashville, Tennessee and attempting to get sober once and for all, something I had never truly tried before!

Both plans had there risks and potential rewards, but because I didn't consider myself a quitter, I chose Nashville, after all living Foot Loose and Fancy Free for twenty-seven years wasn't easy. Most intelligent people would have ended up in jail, the cemetery or sought help long before I got a clue.

Being stubborn and not a quitter I thought I could beat addiction on my terms without asking for any help . . . I discovered that just saying NO wasn't as easy as Nancy Reagan claimed!

On the plane ride to Nashville I read the first hundred or so pages of The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and quickly realized that I was going to have ONE major problem with getting sober . . . GOD!

I had been to church one time in my life back in the eighth grade, I didn't buy it then and wasn't willing to buy into it now at age 42, but it was a one way ticket, so maybe there was a loophole?!

When I landed in Tennessee I had less than ten bucks and change in my pocket and owed $192,000.00 dollars. The only person I knew in the State (Ron B.) I hadn't seen in twenty-five years!

To make a long story much shorter, my friend Ron whom had disappeared in the 80's from our group of coke snorting, alcohol swilling, no direction having, twenty something friends and ended up in Nashville trying to get sober, checked my skinny 135 pound white ass into a halfway house with a group of ex-cons and natural born losers. That scenario alone is motivation to get anyone with half a brain sober and at that point, that was basically all I had left.

Let me tell you the crack diet plan is beyond a doubt very effective. Not only will you lose weight, but it works really well with losing friends, money, cars, jobs, house hold appliances, houses, pets, furniture, clothes, basically all your possessions worth anything.

To me, crack was like taking a hit of an orgasm only it lasted much longer! Like the ad says . . .

. . . Taste Great, Less Filling!

The halfway house ( Chip's on the River ) was run by an ex-All American College football player from the 70's named Chip who had a bunch of houses on the Cumberland River which runs through the center of Nashville. He was a cool guy that didn't make it long in the NFL due to injuries, but had picked up some destructive habits during his career as a player.

While living there and going to meetings, I learned to pray for the first time in my life and began to explore the concept of a Spiritual Awakening. This lead me to the concept of acceptance becomes the truth of discovery.

“There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which cannot fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance—that principle is contempt prior to investigation.”

—Herbert Spencer

I had never been into anything spiritual in my life and never bought into that new age mysticism crap, hell I was proud to be an agnostic. I relied on one Higher Power to get through life, Me. I was stubborn, arrogant and rude and didn't care if you live or died, just don't do it on my time.

Initially I didn't understand the concept of a spiritual awakening or a higher power. I had been physically sober for more than a year when it dawned on me that my higher power actually had to be Greater than myself, not my equal. That is why my spiritual awakening was what William James termed the educational variety as it came about slowly.

My first epiphany on spiritual awakening came about after I had been physically sober for three weeks. I had been reading about the concept and it dawned on me that it didn't have to be an instant realization. This realization took all the pressure off of me and allowed me to grow spiritually at my own pace.

To this day I still realize that I'm learning and growing spiritually. I just finished a book called Blue Blood, True Blood and about half way through it the author ( Stewart Swerdlow ) makes a series of predictions that was supposed to come true in 2003. To me predictions are absurd, counter productive and an insult to the intelligence of the reader, not to mention a complete turn off. I almost put the book down, but decided to keep reading and it is a good thing I did as the rest of the book went on to explain the predictions and how we as humans can alter our reality, through spiritual growth.

I have often said and truly believe that we can change this World we live on one human at a time simple by standing up for what we believe in and voicing our opinions, right or wrong.

By practicing integrity on a daily basis this principle rubs off on others around us. It shows other people that you can function in society and still say what you believe. That no one has to be afraid of being wrong and that when you are wrong simple admit it, learn from it and move on.

Now don't get me wrong, I still don't believe in all that new age mysticism crap, as I believe it is just another way to condition folks to a certain paradigm. However there is some enlightening material in it, if one learns to read between the lies, use critical thinking and keep an open mind. In my opinion, because everyone has their own agenda, the concept of channeling cannot be trusted as a reliable source of information.

Obviously the orthodox history of our Planet has some major holes in it from religion to evolution and everything in between.

My spiritual awakening is an ongoing process and I reserve the right to change my mind at any time. However I believe that the absorption of knowledge will eventually lead to wisdom. That is why I read and search for the truth from a 360 degree angle, never settling on the most convenient explanation that fits my own version of reality. I have learned acceptance becomes the truth of discovery!

Lying is like alcoholism. You are always recovering.

Steven Soderbergh

I've always loved to read and knew more about ancient civilizations in elementary school than most adults do now.

That being said, I cannot explain my fascination with the subject beyond knowing in my heart that most of what orthodox history would have us believe is total nonsense. The human race is far older than what is being taught our children and probable didn't even originate on this Planet, at least in its present form. A couple of digital books (never been published) that are very revealing and offer a unique perspective are The Terra Papers by Robert Morning Sky and Genesis For A New Space Age by John B. Leith.

The key in my opinion is learning to look inside yourself for the answers and trusting that wee little voice inside that helps us all to determine the truth.

What also helped with my educational awakening was learning to become a good Umpire, a job that is not for the weak hearted. This job teaches you that you can be wrong, to accept or own that you are wrong, but that life or the game as the case maybe goes on. Do not dwell on your failures but learn from them so that you do not continue to make the same mistakes. This learning process deserves a hub all to itself, as it is truly an enlightening experience!

Learning to live a sober life has helped me to have the clarity of mind to explore the truth, without any distortion. After being sober for about four years I realized that I needed to further my education and enrolled in College. I earned a degree in Visual Communications/Graphic Design and am currently working for a World Wide company in my field of expertise.

Getting sober doesn't mean one needs to rest on their laurels and that you never graduate in the school of life.

The greatest lesson I learned in College was to use critical thinking, that coupled with an open mind and the concept that I did not have to fear being wrong, there was no concept I couldn't grasp.

My educational awakening has only served to continue to isolate me from society as I now realize the extent to which the human race has been deceived. Through conditioning, disinformation and outright lies we have been lead away from The Universal Law to keep us ignorant of our true potential.

This conditioning has been going on for thousands of years and only now with the invention of the internet and instant access to information are we beginning to awaken to our true potential. I still fantasize about going Into The Wild, as I thought by becoming sober it would allow me to become closer to my family. However the exact opposite is true, as it has only furthered the gap between us.

I believe this Planet is a College for our souls and all the obstacles put before us are simple God's way of remaining anonymous.

For now I realize why I felt it was necessary to stay in a continued state of oblivion. Staying stoned and drunk kept me from acknowledging the true reality of our condition on this Planet. I was trying to fill a spiritual void in my life by introducing outside influences. I was looking for Aliens to come save our Planet. I was looking for euphoria to save me from myself.

"If you think education is expensive, try ignorance." - Derek Bok

The answer and the question was inside me the whole time, but I was too drunk, stoned and stupid to realize it . . . only by recognizing the problem does any of us have a chance of solving it. This is why acceptance becomes the truth of discovery!